I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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