So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
