Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
...so i touched it.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
