i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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