Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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