The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
