there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize