I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize