I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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