two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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