im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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