Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
