I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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