Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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