just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
