i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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