he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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