Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
