i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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