i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
