I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
