What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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