you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
