I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
