i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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