You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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