haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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