I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
