He asked to "fluff my boner.."
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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