i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
