Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
