I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
