i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
