i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize