so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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