i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
