I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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