I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
