yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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