Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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