Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
