closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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