i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
