i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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