You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
This is the high leading the old right now
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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