I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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