Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
