My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
