Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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