I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
