so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
