good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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