He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
