Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
