I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
