Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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