there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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