TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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