did you get engaged???
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
