Old men and throwing up are my life now.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
