He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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