Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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