just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
