remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
