hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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