i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
