soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
