I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
