ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
