I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
