Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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