I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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