He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
