life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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