Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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