True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
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