i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
