i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize