The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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