Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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