I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
