I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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