You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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