He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
