she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
