Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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