Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
