The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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