Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
