All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
