You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
