I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
